


The Price of Flour

by clawofglory



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drinking, F/F, Family Feels, Romance, is this gay panic?, sorry h00k's in here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:56:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26444521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clawofglory/pseuds/clawofglory
Summary: Regina is so happy at her coronation. So happy she has to keep telling herself that. We learn the backstory of what happened on Henry's graduation vacation, which leaves his mothers at a tremulous crossroads. Is Emma also so happy?
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Kudos: 14





	The Price of Flour

"Are you happy?" Henry asks his mother.

"Yes, dear, very much so," she replies absentmindedly fixing his collar as her eyes gaze off over his shoulder. Henry feels a bitter twinge behind her words.

"You, sure?" he presses, resisting the urge to arch his brow at his mother on her special day.

She turns to face him squarely and places her hands on either one of his shoulders. "The happiest I have been in a while..."

"Since you last saw Emma..." Henry says gently. It's not a question.

"Henry," Regina warns. "Now is not the time to talk about this," she continues in hushed tones.

Henry tries to protest.

"Henry," she says sternly urging him to stop. "You're all I need to be happy," she brushes her thumb against his check as a tear swells in her eye. A moment goes by and she interrupts herself from her thoughts "She looks happy," Regina tilts her head to the side, a lump rising in her throat. "I guess some sins just aren't redeemable," Regina mutters sipping her drink.

"Mom," Henry says grabbing her wrist and setting the drink down.

"Henry," Regina says wrapping her hand over his. "I'm trying to be happy. Now, let's just enjoy the party."

"I thought you said you were happy," Henry reminds.

She smiles knowingly up at him, before turning to take her leave, wiping the corners of her eyes with her index fingers.

~0~

Emma sees Regina excusing herself from the party and retreating back away from the guests. So she pulls herself away from her conversation to follow Regina. She looked upset.

"Regina, you okay?" Emma asks catching up to Regina and pulling her back by her arm.

"I'm fine," she dismisses, removing her arm from the other woman's grasp.

"Gina?" Emma raises her brows at the older woman who seems anything but fine.

"Thanks for your concern," Regina tries to keep the icy tone out of her voice and attempts for it to sound casual. "I'm fine, really," she assures the other woman.

Emma looks like she's about to protest when Regina shoots her the icy glare she had been holding back.

"I know things haven't been the easiest on you since-" Emma begins earnestly.

"Emma, don't. Please, I can't do this now," Regina interrupts nearly begging the other woman not to continue with this conversation.

"I'm just trying to help, Gina," Emma pleads.

"You lost the right to call me that a long time ago," Regina warns as she turns to take her leave of the other woman. "If you'll excuse me I really should be getting back to *my* celebration."

* * *

_Flashback to Henry's Graduation Trip_

The movie Regina and Emma are curled up on the sofas watching, suddenly takes a turn and the two female characters start kissing passionately. Regina draws a sharp intake of breath as the woman on screen removes her top. Regina glances at Emma out of the corner of her eye to see Emma looking everywhere besides the screen or Regina, her body language rigid and her face ghostly pale.

"Emma," Regina calls out cautiously attempting to bring the blonde back to the present moment.

At the sound of her voice Emma jolts and practically runs off muttering something about "bathroom."

Regina crosses and uncrosses her legs anxiously, waiting for Emma to return.

Emma reaches the bathroom, sliding down the against the door once she had closed it. Her mind running wild causing a incessant throbbing in her head. Then the secondary emotions hit and she feels suddenly very self conscious about reacting this way. Regina must think she's crazy. She pulls herself over to the edge of the tub to sit to try and slow her racing heart. Sex scenes are awkward to watch with anyone. This has nothing to do with _Regina_. She droops her head into her hands, trying to weed though her emotional scrap heap, when she hears a gentle rapt on the door.

"Emma, are you alright?" Regina asks timidly though the door.

Emma takes some quick breaths to try and make her voice sound normal before she saying, "Come in."

Regina walks in and smiles sweetly down at Emma. She continues to glance around the room for a place to sit, before resigning herself to the closed toilet lid opposite Emma. Regina twists her hands around each other nervously in her lap, unsure of what to say.

Breaking the silence, Regina eventually asks in a small voice, "Do you want to talk about this?"

"I - I don't know. What is there to say, really?" Emma says blankly, still lost in thought, trying to understand, maybe remove, the images of Regina her brain won't let go of.

"Do you want me to go?" Regina tries again.

"No, I don't think so," Emma replies, still spaced. Emma slowly crawls over to be nearer to Regina, laying her head against Regina's leg.

Regina brushes the hair from her face, and plays with it softly.

When Regina is like this, it feels so comfortable, so nurturing, maternal even that it's hard to believe someone with this much tenderness slaughtered entire villages. Emma wishes she had had a mother like this growing up. God, she wishes Killian was like this sometimes. At the thought of him she flinches. Regina comforts her back down. They sit like this a while, the words unsaid lingering just below consciousness. Emma's breathing slows to the point where she is almost falling asleep on the bathroom rug against Regina's leg.

"Let's get you to bed," Regina softly urges, helping Emma to her feet. They keep hold of each other's hands as they walk back. When they reach the bedrooms, Regina drops her hand, suddenly shy as she brushes a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "Well, goodnight," she smiles, her eyes downcast toward Emma's shoes.

"Good night," Emma says, her voice much closer than Regina had anticipated. She glances up to be eyes to eyes with Emma. Regina gulps nervously at being this close to Emma. "Emma?" she asks making sure of the intention. "Regina," Emma replies, throwing her heart's depth behind those three syllables. Regina's eyes flutter closed as she leans in further. The chaste kiss speaks all the longing and unsaid words clearing the air that had lingered between them for years. Their foreheads press together and they lock eyes for what seems like eternity just smiling at each other, until Regina pulls back and throws a "good night" over her shoulder before smiling down at the ground and fumbling with her bedroom doorknob.

~0~

After dinner the next day, the trio sets down on the sofas to watch a movie together. Henry picked it. It's some super hero thing. The women sit next to each other this time and Henry sits on the smaller sofa cornering them. They shyly brush pinkies and make glances at each other the whole time. Regina always retreating to smile down at her lap and Emma to focus on the movie. Henry pauses the movie suddenly when Emma begins to giggle.

"Okay Moms, what's going on? You two have been practically giddy all night. What aren't you telling me?" Henry probes.

"Well - um - we - your mother and I," Emma fumbles.

"-I'm sorry, Henry," Regina interrupts. "We have been hiding something from you," Emma's jaw hits the floor. "We were trying to keep it a surprise," Regina smiles confidently at Emma to clue her in to her ruse, "but we are taking you—fishing tomorrow!"

"Yeah, fishing, kid," Emma smiles, clasping her hand above Regina's knee.

"Emma's been too excited," Regina fakely gushes.

"Okay," Henry says suspiciously, but excited. "I've only been fishing once, with Hook," he recounts.

"Oh, did he just stick his arm in the water with a worm on the end?" Regina laughs.

"Be nice," Emma reprimands, poking Regina in the stomach.

"I'm going to go to bed now, so we can get out on the lake early!" Henry says full blown excitement creeping into his tone and he waves to his mothers and runs off.

Once they hear the sound of Henry's door, Regina turns to better face Emma. "That's what I'm trying to do: be nice to Hook," she removes Emma's hand from drawing lazy circles on her stomach. "Which is why—" Regina can't face Emma as she says this, one look into her eyes and she would gladly drown, "what's between us, it has to end."

"Oh Regina," Emma smiles sadly. "It was one kiss," Emma wanted to say that it didn't mean anything, but knew Regina would see right through that, "between friends, gal pals."

"Oh- okay, well, good," Regina replies trying to hide how much that let down hurt her by standing up and dusting off her skirt, her face turned away from Emma.

"Regina, don't feel bad," Emma pleads. "It's not even really cheating if it's with a woman," she whines.

"Where did you hear that?" Regina questions, then shakes her head, "never mind." Regina takes a deep breath. "Emma, we're friends," Regina begins gingerly.

"- so we can platonically sleep and that's okay?" Emma questions, wearing that cute little smile with the dimples that makes Regina go weak in the knees and want tell her that yes they should do that, but instead she just frowns.

"You don't really want this. Brushing pinkies up against each other is one thing, but - other things is far beyond the line. You locked yourself in the bathroom after seeing two girls kiss on tv... You're just afraid of roots and this- this is easy. We're friends," Regina bites her lip. "And I can't let you throw away your marriage for this," she huffs turning to leave.

"Gina, wait!" Emma calls.

"Goodnight, Emma," she says with a tone of finality.

~0~

Regina settles in her room. Propped up in bed reading a book, poorly attempting to distract her mind from the activities she had just turned down. In reality her mind remains glued to Emma as her eyes glass over the same page over and over again.

A small knock taps on her door. "Emma, I said goodnight. I'm not in the mood," Regina replies slight annoyance dripping from voice.

"It's just me," Henry offers, entering with his hands up in defense.

"Henry," her suddenly voice filled with loving concern, "what are you doing up?"

"It's just- I just - been thinking about the future and there are so many things I want to do, so many things I could do," he tells his concerned mother. "I think I just overwhelmed myself with the possibilities..."

"Oh Henry," she responds opening her arms for a hug if he wants.

The boy slips into bed with his mother and slumps into her protective arms. "I just- I don't know who I'm meant to be, ya know?" he asks, his eyes big looking upon his mother for guidance like he hasn't in years.

"I know, sweetie. That's a- a life long process," she says rubbing circles on his back, "I know what ever decision you make it will be the right one, simply because you made it."

"Mom," he rolls his eyes.

"It's true. Do I regret some of the things I've done in the past? Sure, but I wouldn't change any of it for the world? No, because it's brought us to this very moment," she smiles down at Henry as he looks up at her with weary eyes.

"Things always feel less emotional in morning. You'll be able to think clearer," she says half to him and half to herself. "Maybe we should try and get some sleep," she reaches over to switch off the lamp.

In her arms Henry soon falls asleep. Cradling her grown son, she places a kiss on his hair and whispers, "Goodnight, my love," before her breathing slows and sleep overtakes her as well.

~0~

Emma heard what Regina said about her using Regina as an excuse, but even so she still she feels lost when she is without her. That kiss awakened feelings she had long longed to snuff out, deep down and never deal with. Cuddling is innocent, right? Friends cuddle.

Emma slowly opens the door to Regina's room, and creeps over into the bed. "Gina?" she whispers.

"Ma?" Henry wakes up at the sound of Emma's voice so near to his ear.

"Henry?" Emma asks confused why her son is here.

"Emma?" Regina questions finally awake after all their whispering.

"Why are you here?" Henry puzzles, confused why his mother is just causally sliding into his other mother's bed.

"Yes, why are you here, Emma?" Regina's echos, popping the M, in no mood to dig Emma out again.

"I - uh - I had a - nightmare," Emma replies unconvincingly as she speaks to Henry. Regina rolls her eyes. But Henry seems too tired to notice anything off.

"Well then, by all means," Regina replies emphatically sarcastic, "mi cama es su cama."

At this Emma snuggles in closer to Henry who remains sandwitched between her and Regina. Her arm lazily collides with Regina's around Henry's middle and she can honestly say this is the happiest she has ever felt. Their little family.

~0~

Henry wakes them all up far too early for their fishing excursion. Regina is quick to be alert but Emma throws pillows at the both of them for disturbing her. They prepare for the day, and head out. The outing goes by smoothly. But Regina tries to keep her distance from Emma, who takes it upon herself to ghost her hand along Regina's lower back every time she passes her on the narrow dock.

~0~

They head off to bed and Emma just causally follows Regina, who may or may not have swayed her hips more than usual sensing the blonde behind her.

"I just I really liked last night- just the closeness," Emma makes excuses, a weak smile on her lips. "Platonic, we're friends," Emma echos Regina's words from the night before.

Regina pinches the bridge of her nose. She knows she should shoo the blonde back to her own room. But what she should do and what she needs are two separate things. "Fine," she huffs, knowing this is the threshold of no return.

They settle in under the covers together. "Emma, where you hand is is anything but platonic," Regina cautions.

"Do you want me to move it?" Emma smirks.

Regina bites her lip before answering. "No," she replies quietly, knowing fate was already sealed by allowing things to get this far. "Are you sure this is what you want?" she asks for reassurance.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Emma counters.

"Yes," Regina replies in a huff. "Even if it is a bit impetuous," she muses.

"Considering how long this has been in making, I kinda don't think so..." Emma lets the words drift off as thoughts from broaching personal space in anger fade into constant sacrifice, warm feelings of belonging and finally feeling at home in the world.

"Are we going to discuss what this means?" Regina asks vaguely, pulling Emma from memories.

"I'd rather show you," Emma smirks as she sits up and pulls her shirt over her head. She returns and straddles Regina bending down to ghost kisses down the brunette's neck and across her exposed collarbone.

Both women were too caught up in each other's warmth to notice the door creek open until it promptly slammed closed, followed by thudding feet retreating. "Henry," Regina calls with as much panic and concern as when Emma had first brought him back with her to Storybrooke.

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" Emma curses, sitting up and running a hand though her hair.

Regina gently pushes her away and says, "I'll go talk to him." Emma eyes her skeptically, and she replies, "I had clothes on."

Regina pokes her head into Henry's room. "Can I come in?" she asks timidly, tying her robe tighter around her waist.

"So now you care about what I think?" Henry replies, but the bite of his words isn't echoed in his tone. He just sounds deflated.

Regina gingerly sits on the edge of his bed. "Are you upset?" she asks shyly, her heart wrenching in anticipation of his response. Whatever was going on with Emma isn't worth it, if she looses Henry.

Henry furrows his brow deep in thought, before speaking from a distant depth. "Just uncertain," are the words he finally settles on.

Regina nods, requiring far more for her son's approval and blinking back the tears threatening to spill.

"Do you know what you're doing?" he asks, his voice not laced with malice, but concern.

Regina laughs bitterly, unable to keep the tears at bay. "Oh Henry," she smiles weakly.

"Don't get hurt, okay, Mom?" Henry says, gently placing a reassuring hand on her knee.

"How did you get so wise? Far beyond your years," Regina smirks in spite of herself, wiping her eyes before poking him in the stomach, causing them both to fall backwards in a fit of giggles.

"Well I am an adult now," he replies proudly. "Maybe it just comes with the territory." He smiles his biggest smile over at her. "But I mean it, Mom," he continues more serious. "I know how long you've felt this way. Just be careful, okay?"

Emma who had been listening outside the door lips "how long you've felt this way," to herself before feeling utterly intrusive and deciding to walk away from their intimate conversation.

"Okay," Regina smiles sadly.

"Is she going to leave Hook?" Henry asks quietly.

"I don't know," Regina replies honestly. "But I don't think so," she adds. Her voice wasn't bitter just empty.

"I'm sorry about interrupting," Henry says looking crestfallen.

"Oh sweetie," she smiles ruffling his hair. "It was probably for the best..." She taps his leg lovingly before heading back to her room, which she finds it expectedly empty.

* * *

One would think that at a celebration in honor of Queen Regina Mills that more people would be vying for her attention, that is if they didn't know Regina Mills and the untold horrors of her past, but more so that she had never be one for close friends, having at one point in time tried to kill anyone she might have ever considered a friend... Regina stares out to floor the colors of the gowns all blending together in dance, her eyes unfocused.

"Do you want to talk about the elephant in the room?" Snow asks gently touching Regina's shoulder as she slides into the chair beside her, startling Regina from her trance.

"That's not a very nice thing to call your daughter," Regina deadpans.

Snow simply nods and takes her comment for what it is.

"I- I just feel so free in the worst possible way, like there is nothing tethering me to this world," Regina muses as she continues staring. "Henry is all grown and she has her pirate and their perfect life with their perfect baby and-"

"And you're all alone," Snow finishes.

"Yes," Regina stiffens at the admission. Her eyes distant as she demurly folds her hands in her lap. "There's nothing for me," she reasons. It's not sad, just a fact that weighs the air heavy around them.

"You'll be queen," Snow says dismissively, trying to look at the bright side in her nauseatingly positive way. "You'll have plenty to do," she smiles sweetly, knowingly.

"I never wanted to be queen," Regina says distantly.

"I know," Snow replies sincerely as she covers Regina's hands with her own.

"It was all my mother ever wanted for me," Regina laughs bitterly to keep away the tears that threaten to spill.

"Let's go take a walk," Snow stands grabbing Regina's hand and tugging her along to the garden.

The garden. She had spent many hours here. She thinks on Sidney and how she had him kill Snow's father among many other horrible things. His devotion had no end, but yet it was never enough, and she wonders if that's how Emma sees her. A sigh escapes her lips at the possibility.

"She's better off without me," Regina muses breathily and Snow knows she is no longer talking about her mother.

"Maybe yes, maybe no," Snow says simply.

"So you'd rather it was me and not that one handed scoundrel?" Regina asks, her voice small in disbelief. "My love only brings pain," she whispers pointedly.

"You love very deeply, Regina. I've always admired that about you," Snow confesses, completely ignoring her question.

"And hate just as deeply," Regina quips.

"You feel things with your whole soul," Snow continues emphatically.

"Now we're talking about souls?" Regina rolls her eyes. Souls, soulmates, it's all so convoluted and none of it feels right. Emma is the only thing that ever felt right.

"Oh, Regina," Snow replies, following Regina's tone. "I know this isn't the ending you've always hoped for-"

"This isn't an ending at all," Regina smiles lightheartedly. The audacity of her resolve to avoid Emma in turn, suddenly seeming clear to her. She isn't the savor and she shouldn't always be thinking on others. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some urgent business to attend to."

~0~

Regina ambushes Emma over by the punch. Emma pours herself a glass and without looking up Emma acknowledged her presence, "So, now you're talking to me?"

"Sorry," Regina brushes by the apology without meaning. "Are you happy?" she tries again.

Emma visually flinches then tenses her hand on the ladle.

"Tell me you're happy and I'll leave this alone," Regina assures.

"I _am_ happy," Emma lies. Regina sees through her admission, but leaves it at that. If Emma wanted her to drop this, she will.

"Okay," Regina says swinging her arms to clasp together in front of her. Her face might have flashed her feelings, but she quickly masked it. She takes a deep breath out and turns to leave Emma to getting her punch.

"You can't just do this, you know?" Emma calls after her, it's more of a whine than anything else. How dare Regina make her think, think on possibilities and other lives and the happiness that evades her.

Regina knows she shouldn't turn around. She knows she should just keep walking out of Emma's life. It's what Emma had wanted. It's what Emma had done. She had left a note on her bed and never looked back. Regina found when she wake her up for pancakes in the morning. All it said was, "Regina, I can't do this."

Regina turns, looking right through Emma. She couldn't say what she needs to say if she falls into the depths of Emma's gaze. "This is what you wanted, _Mrs._ Swan," Regina asserts coldly.

~0~

Killian turns to Emma, "I'm gunna head out, Love, and take the baby. It's late," he kisses Emma on the cheek.

"Oh, okay, I'll go," Emma says getting up from the table and gathering her belongings.

"Maybe you should stay. Catch up with Regina. I know you haven't been on the best of terms since your big fight during vacation, but it's been quite a while since then. I'm sure Henry wouldn't want this mothers fighting for the rest of his life," Hook smiles. "It would make holidays much easier."

Emma smiles shakily.

~0~

"Hook thinks we need to make up," Emma slides next to Regina who's clearing a table.

"Oh does he now? Seems like an odd request," Regina smirked.

"He doesn't know," Emma confessed.

"Ah," Regina raises her eyebrows in understanding. "Sounds like a great marriage," Regina hums.

Emma huffs. "You told me this, us, was easy. Killian and me, that's easy."

"Well yes, I knew you were both - trollops, so I assume together it's more than easy," Regina taunts.

"Thanks," Emma rolls her eyes. "I mean he loves me, obsessively, and I - I don't, so it's just easy to go along with. I'm not afraid that it won't work out, or that I'll get hurt. It - it's comfortable, like an old shoe," Emma professes. Go big or go home. Pull off the band-aid. "But with you, things are so messy. You call me out on my bullshit, do what's necessary and _actually_ she me as a person, not some quest, some trophy... You could break my heart. And didn't want to break yours."

Regina snorts at the last comment, taking a seat at the table.

"I know. I know. I know. I uh- I heard Henry, that night. He said 'I know how long you've felt this way,' and it- then it was too real for me and I was married and it was all wrong- to drag you into that position, so I left," Emma explains with a shrug. "And I thought that if I avoided you it would make it all better..."

"For whom?" Regina seethes.

"For me," Emma sighed.

"What do you want me to with this?" Regina laughs. Nothing has changed.

"I don't know, maybe we could be friends, again?" Emma flashes a shy smile as she sits. "I was happy being you friend before, I could be happy being your friend again."

Regina nods. "I wasn't sure you'd come," she states off offhandedly. "It was nice of you to see me," she adds looking down.

"Don't say that," Emma shakes her head.

"I wish you wouldn't have shut me out," Regina quietly utters in a rare moment of vulnerability, looking up to meet Emma's eyes as she finishes.

Emma just stares into those eyes, the fear, the longing, all the swirled emotions wanting to claw themselves to the surface.

Regina breaks their eye contact, and it feels like she had just tore away Emma's life preserver, leaving her lost and helpless in the deep ocean waves.

"Well, that's that," she says clearing her throat, dusting her hands on her dress as she stands.

"I love you," Emma whispers.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed. I really had no idea where this work was going or what it should be called until I got to final conversation and the end just wrote itself.


End file.
